Blood work next week

Things have been getting easier, and that might be because I’ve been avoiding coming here and reading everyone’s blogs and well as anything pregnancy related. I feel sad now that I’m back here reading your blogs. Ugh, lame. My friend passed away last week and that’s been on my mind a lot. He was so so young, just 35. I wasn’t able to attend his funeral because of my work and that still has me so upset. I did go to his wake. We worked together and my previous job and all of us photographers were in an office that was literally two closets combined. We are like a family, and one of us is gone. It sucks. Real bad.

Next week I’m having blood work to see if my pregnancy hormones are gone. I’ve decided not to take a break as long as it’s physically okay for me. I’ve got 5 weddings booked for next year, one pending, and a wedding show in November and January, so likely more bookings- which is great! But waiting for wedding season to be over will just be a cycle. My best business friend said it might not work again, and if it does, I have 9 months to plan for any of the weddings should they happen to fall in line where I couldn’t shoot them. I feel bad, anytime I book a client I am invested in them and want to shoot their wedding, but she’s right. I can’t put my life on hold. So that’s what’s going on now.

The good and the bad about support groups

I love love love having different communities of women to go to about this crazy IVF journey. It’s really nice to be able to talk to others that are in the middle of the same process that you are. I have an amazing support system of family and friends as well but sometimes you just need to talk about the IVF process in depth- which can be hard to discuss with someone who isn’t going through it.

Up until now I’ve been pretty damn positive throughout this process. I’d see others’ success stories and feel excited and happy for them, and don’t get me wrong, I still am, but there is a new element that I did not expect to happen. I’m so so sad sometimes. Ladies who transferred around the same time I did are posting their beta numbers, and they are pregnant. I’m happy for them, but I’m sad too. It’s taking me a little longer than I expected to get over this failed transfer.

Support, a place to ask questions and read others experiences, and a place to share your triumphs. SO good. The bad? If your transfer failed, seeing some beta numbers can make you really fuckin’ sad.

I wish I could take a mental health day. Soldiering on..