FB Baby Feed

There are three newborn babies on my feed, as well as a few older babies and pregnant ladies. It aches. Oh man does it ache. One girl I graduated with just gave birth last week and she posts the sweetest things about her baby and being a mom and it just hurts. If my business wasn’t so tied up with FB I would take a break- baby mania is tiring as well as the many racist people I have on my feed.

Tomorrow I have my scans and blood work, and here we gooooo.

I don’t feel the least bit excited, which I feel bad about.


“Cycle 4” underway

I just got the call from my fertility center- my insurance approved my FET and I was told to stop my BCP today. I should be getting a period in 3-5 days, and then I’ll be starting the whole process again. I asked for a timeline for transfer because my co worker will be on vacation until the 27th of July, and she put my estimated transfer around then (27th-29th).  So! She made a note of that and hopefully it will be fine. I’m hoping this is the stars aligning for a SUCCESSFUL and FULL TERM pregnancy. So my beta will be the second week of August, which is the week before my vacation. Here’s to hoping!

That’s it for now. I hope I’m making the right decision.

Scared but ramping up my optimism. COME. ON!

A sense of normalcy returning..

Well, it will be a week tomorrow since we found out about our pregnancy loss. I’m starting to feel a little more “normal.” I felt the fog lifting a bit yesterday. I’m still hurting but it’s not all encompassing. I’m stressed out about other things in my life- my business, work, and money. I feel spread so thin, so I’m sure losing our pregnancy did not help these things.

I started birth control pills yesterday in preparation for whatever is next. I could have waited until my meeting with Dr. P but what waste half a week?

Things are stressful right now but at least I can get out of bed and face the day without the heavy sorrow I was experiencing. That’s it for now.

Also, thanks for everyone’s concern and comments. So very much appreciated.

TMI Tuesday

I’ve started my period. The cramps are horrific, and it’s the THICKEST period I have ever seen in my life. TMI, but like, I could pull HUGE clots out of myself. It’s crazy.

My depression and irritability has been hard to deal with but I’m trying. I saw a photo of myself from my second shooter’s images from the wedding and I am not happy with that, either. Ever since I started this whole IVF journey I’ve probably gained 20 pounds, and I probably need to lose a good 30 pounds at least. I’m going to stop comfort eating and get my ass moving. The endorphins will help with the depression.


Cycle three underway

I had my scans and blood work this morning. They measured my uterus, my lining, and my ovaries. All I retained was that my lining is 3.3 at the moment. I started taking Estrace, 2 mg twice a day, and on May 20th I will have my next ultrasound and blood work. If everything goes right, I think I’ll be starting my progesterone shots that night, and after 6 days my transfer will happening, so we’re looking at Thursday May 26th as my next transfer, which means my next beta is June 5th or 6th. Here’s to hoping… ❤

Day 1, cycle 3 is here.

Shortly after I posted my last entry I started cramping up really bad. Ha! I started my period this morning. I just called my care team and I have ultrasounds and blood work in the morning. The office is an hour away. Ugh! But! I’m just glad we’re on the road again. The nurse said tomorrow afternoon I’ll get instructions to start the estrace. My comfort eating must cease and I need to get back on the healthy wagon. I also took a week off of acupuncture, so I need to start that up again as well.

Last night we went over our friend’s house and met their baby. She was so precious! I held her for a while and just watched our friends interacting with her. It was awesome to see. They seem so happy! We were only there for maybe 3 hoursand the baby fed 4 times! She was a hungry little thing. I told our friends I hoped she passed some good luck baby vibes to me for our next cycle. I woke up feeling hopeful that this next cycle works. Adam and I were both sad, but happy to have met her.

Today I had lunch with an old friend who told me about her pregnancy struggles. While she has a beautiful baby boy who is a little older than one now, she has her own struggles staying pregnant after she is actually pregnant. I had no idea, of course. Hearing her terrible journey was heartbreaking, I can only vaguely imagine how painful it has been for her. Although you don’t like to hear your friends and people you care about having the same or worse struggles with infertility, the solidarity and understanding can bring comfort in a way, as talking to them they know what you’re talking about, and what to say- and not to say.

That’s it for now. LET’S DO THIS.

No spotting, no period. Ugh.

Well that spotting stopped, cramps stopped, and no period has arrived. Sigh. I’m going to wait until Monday and if it still hasn’t come, call them back. I hope it does come, but I’m guessing I’ll have to take the pills (can’t think of the name at the moment) to make my period come on.

This evening Adam and I are going to his friend’s house, who just had a baby. I’m excited to meet her, and my friend’s wife, but I’m a little nervous how I’ll be around a beautiful newborn. The yearning and aching has been extra achey since the failed fresh ET. We’ll see.

Spotting! Huzzah!

I started spotting, I guess my period is officially on its way/here. They said call with Cycle day 1 and that’s full flow but I’m impatient so I called and left a message just now. It’s weird to go from dreading your period because your transfer didn’t work to elated your period is here just a few weeks later so you can do it all over again.

One of the blogs I follow today posted some bad news and I’ve been thinking about her all day. This is such a hard and painful journey.. even when you’re technically pregnant you have to wait to see if the pregnancy is viable. It just seems so cruel and unjust for people to go through not only IVF but a nonviable pregnancy- or even more than one.

IVF is not for the lighthearted, that’s for sure.