Weird limbo.

I’ve been checking for blood every single time I go to the bathroom, as well as every time I wake up, and so far, no bleeding. I’m still quite tired but not as tired as I was, and my nausea has been very minimal. I am still getting cramps like I did when the pregnancy first started, and this makes me wonder if there is any growth happening, even if it’s not viable. I told Adam this is such a shitty limbo to be in. I can’t wait for Tuesday, just to find out what’s going on. I read one story a few minutes ago where the baby was 4 days behind with a very very slow heartbeat, second US the baby hadn’t had any growth barely but the heartbeat rose, and at the third US had finally caught up. The baby was born at 41 weeks. I’m not holding on to hope that that could be our situation, but it was interesting to read.

Yesterday I shot a wedding and there were a few pregnant ladies present, but for the most part I was in photographer mode and it didn’t get to me as it would normally.

Every morning I wake up and remember that the baby inside of me is either dead or slowly dying. It’s really depressing.

We went and saw The Light Between Oceans this evening, and it probably wasn’t the best choice in movies but I had been wanting to see it for some time. My husband wasn’t very prepared for it, even though he knew the premise. SPOILER_ in the movie the wife has two miscarriages, and needless to say we were both crying watching this film. It was a good movie, just very sad and depressing.

I’m still taking my Estrace and progesterone and I wonder if those are the causes of my cramping.

Well, that’s it for now.

Perfumes!

Today at work I am suffering from the overabundance of perfume! So many strong smells, and they’re killing me. I’ve considered running to the bathroom at least┬áthree times. I hate vomiting though (phobia of mine since I was a kid) so anything to avoid it I will. One of my co workers suggested a mask and so..

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I feel so much better!

7 weeks!

Today I am 7 weeks pregnant. This weekend has had me napping A LOT. I’ve started to get night sweats, and since I don’t generally get those I looked them up. Apparently that happens when you’re pregnant? I’ve had exhaustion, cramping, heart burn, sore boobs off and on, and nausea. Seems in the morning when I wake up is when I feel the most ill. I’m thankful Thursday is right around the corner- while I’ve been keeping calm I really really want to see what’s going on down in my uterus.

My right side for the progesterone shots was SO PAINFUL so I switched to the left for the last 4 days? Now my left side is so painful so I’m switching back tonight. Adam gave me a good rub in that area last night but it hurts so much this morning.

I’ll take it if it means baby!

One week from today

One week from today I’ll be having my ultrasound. I can feel the crazy creeping in. I considered taking a pregnancy test this morning as I have one left over, but I didn’t. I hope I can make it until Thursday! I’m bouncing from being very confident to being terrified.

Adam and I had a talk last night and things are good now. He’s still keeping himself un-invested in this pregnancy until next week. He said he thinks when he sees the sonogram it will click for him. He never wants to feel like he did when we had our loss ever again. I told him I think it would hurt no matter what but hopefully we don’t have to find out the answer to that. I also made sure to reiterate that “not that pregnant” is not an accurate statement as the first trimester can be the hardest for some women!

I felt very ill yesterday. I went home from work and slept a few hours, per usual, and then had a normal few hours, then when I went to bed I swore I was going to vomit. I finally fell asleep. I had a lot of heartburn yesterday. Right now I feel “normal.”

I’m glad it’s almost the weekend.

 

6 weeks 4 days