Crashed today

Well, both weddings went very well and I was able to forget things mostly. I did cry on the way home from the first wedding. Last night I was so exhausted I didn’t event think about anything. I skipped my blood draw on Saturday morning. We didn’t home until 12:30 am Friday night, technically Saturday morning. I would have to get up at 5:30 am, to get to the blood draw for 7¬†am, and then drive back home, sleep for like a minute, and get back up again to drive another hour for the wedding, work 6 more hours, drive another hour home. Nope. So I slept in. They emailed me and said to come in on Monday, so I’m going before work tomorrow. I’ve never missed a blood draw or appointment this whole process, but why go through all that to find out my levels are indeed dropping? Meh.

Today I visited my parents, and this afternoon was a big family party. There are 4 birthdays this week in Adam’s family. I’m introverted, so all of my social skills were drained from the last two days anyway, and I haven’t had any time to myself so I didn’t last at the party long. I came inside, went to the bathroom, had some pink/light red blood. I think that triggered things, because Adam came in and I started bawling. He held me. I didn’t go back out to the party.

I’m pretty sad and depressed. It isn’t a constant thought but I feel it in my body and my bones.

Overslept on beta day.. but I made it there!

Last night I was so excited and anxious I couldn’t sleep. I finally fell asleep around 3 am, and my alarm was set for 5:45 am. I woke up at 6:30- around the time I leave to get to the clinic! I had been hitting snooze continuously and decided I should probably check the time. I jumped out of bed, showered and got ready and was out the door by 6:45. Of course there was a ton of traffic but I tried to stay calm. I got there in time, had my blood drawn, and now I’m waiting some more. I have my phone on loud so patients or my co-workers will be enjoying a little bit of the Dr Who theme. I’ll update when I know!

10dp5dt- Beta drawn- WAITING!!

Faint BFP 9dp5dt… c’moooon!

I tested again this morning, and the line showed up immediately.


It’s still faint, which worries me. I’m scared of a chemical pregnancy. I’m still having many symptoms though, including VERY sore boobs, on and off cramping, exhaustion, and nausea. I’ll know for sure tomorrow. I almost bought another first response but was too tired to go get one. Ha. I hope to update tomorrow with really really good news!


Two more days until Beta..

Last night I went out with some of my old co workers in Boston. My friend Jen (from the show the other night) gave me my injection in the bathroom- she was such a pro! I felt nothing. “This feels illegal!” hahaha

It was fun being out, I also saw my old roommate and good friend with his girlfriend which was great. It was a lovely evening! I never really miss Boston until I’m there. I lived there for 7 or 8 years, and while I enjoy where I live now, the nostalgia does kick in when I’m there.

I swear, this has to be it. I am exhausted. My boobs are sore- last night my friend gave me a hug goodbye and I almost yelped because when she squeezed me my boobs hurt so bad. My drive to Boston I nodded off for a second- I was exhausted the whole trip up. Terrifying. I am still nauseous as ever. If it’s not a BFP this is one cruel joke!

Today I’m shooting a wedding as a second shooter and spending the night with my friend Adrianne, as my house will have some dudes over for a bachelor party. I’m out of the wedding at 8:30, I’ll probably get to her place around 9:30. I’m thinking I’m going to have her do my injection instead of attempting at the wedding. She’s already agreed to do it this coming weekend (if I’m pregnant!) when I go to the Cape with her and some ladies for HER bachelorette, so here’s to hoping it’s one of several injections she will be giving me.

Off I go!


p.s.- I haven’t tested again!

Maybe, yes!!!, no (but yes I think)

Soooo I’m clearly in the midst of the TWW IVF psychosis. I told my therapist I would NOT TEST last night, but.. I did. Well technically it was this morning, as it was 12:30 am or something. So I did not lie to her! I had fallen asleep on the couch, and when I woke up my boobs felt like two boulders on my chest. I thought well I haven’t peed for many hours, why not…

Within 2 minutes of taking the test…

Screen Shot 2016-06-03 at 10.00.36 AM

I SEE THAT SECOND LINE! That is no evap line, ladies and.. well, probably just ladies. I went to bed but I couldn’t fall asleep. I drank a lot of water, and I testing again this morning. This time I took a digital, and it said no. I did my research and they aren’t as sensitive, so I’m not too worried yet. Could this be it?! I’m still having the same symptoms I’ve been having, so I’m very hopeful. I’m going to try and hold off and take my last test on Sunday, right before BETA day. Luckily I am very busy until then so I won’t be too anguished.

C’monnnn pregnancy!!


It’s because I have little self control..

While I was polling a support group and researching whether or not I should do an early HPT, my care team called. The nurse wanted to check in and see how I was doing, to which I responded “psycho” and she laughed. I told her some of my symptoms to which some of them sounded very promising, she said. I told her I was glad she called as I was just considering doing a HPT. She said I should hold off until Sunday night, but if I did test early, not to get discouraged if it’s negative.

Also, on the internets, this..

6 Placenta cells secrete human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream

So if hCG just started entering the blood stream, it’s probably too early? Eh? Did that stop me? NO!


And I thought maybe I saw a little something? But okay, maybe not, so it’s too early. One of the ladies in the support group asked if I had threw the test away, which I hadn’t, and if I could post it because she thought she saw something. So..


VERY VERY FAINT lines. I’m not too excited yet though because these were taken 20 minutes after I did the test, so like.. EVAP LINES!?

Unfortunately time will only tell. Please be there, PLEASE BE PREGNANT!

She loves rock ‘n roll yea, the girls high voltage

Last night the Eagles of Death Metal show was soooo fun! Jen didn’t end up needing to do my injection because we skipped the openers, so my mother in law did it for me.

Yesterday I felt light headed and weird in the afternoon, and nauseous again at night. I had pulling sensations in my uterus on and off. This morning I woke up to cramping and more nausea and weirdness. I hope it’s because I’m pregnant! I also have stingy pains in my nipples. The draw to test is getting stronger and stronger, but the fear of seeing a negative is holding me back.

Please let these cramps being pregnancy related and nooot my period coming on.



Will you stab me in the ass?

Tonight I’m going to a show with my friend Jen, and it starts around the time I do my injections. Generally my mother in law does my injections as she lives right next door, my own mother, or my sister in laws in a pinch. Adam faints at the sight of blood so he doesn’t 134do them! I’ve done the PIO (or in my case, progesterone in ethyl oleate) in my thigh before but it was SO painful and I couldn’t walk right for a day. I’m lucky I have supportive people in my life!

Last night I went to bed and was having pinching in my uterus and what felt like my cervix. It almost took my breath away! I’m hoping that was my embryos making themselves comfortable in my lining. Today I am feeling slightly nauseous and very tired. I’m hoping these are all good signs! I almost tested this morning but I decided against it. I’m not sure how long I can hold out!

Last night I had acupuncture which was great, and as I thought, I fell into a deep sleep. I was dreaming and laughing in my dreams and woke myself up twice by groaning. Ooops. I also forgot I had a pin in the top of my head and went to fix my hair and OUCH. I didn’t notice until I got home (after stopping at the grocery store afterwards!) that I had a long trickle of blood down my face. Lordy! I ordered two more vials of my progesterone, I’m hoping I get to use the both of them.

So today will consist of me trying not to lose my mind, but tonight will be fun and dancey!

5dp5dt.. c’moooon embies!

Bruised hips, sore tits.

My boobs are SO sore. I had to do my injection on the same side twice in a row because my left hip has a huge knot in it. I tried to rub the knot out and it got a little smaller but now I’m all bruised up. My other hip isn’t as sore and has a tiny bruise. I’ve had pulling sensations in my womb today and mild cramping. Trying to keep my sanity the best I can.

I’m gonna relax so hard at acupuncture tonight.