Weird limbo continues. Ultra sound Tuesday.

I spoke with Dr. P. She says the heartbeat is really strong, so sadly we remain in limbo. She said sometimes it’s hard to get a good measurement this early on in pregnancy, so we just have to wait and see. I have another ultrasound next Tuesday to see what’s going on. She said if theres a strong heartbeat next week she will graduate me to my OBGYN. She said that if this pregnancy does goes to term she doesn’t want me to miss out on first trimester testing. I told her I hadn’t stopped my meds, and she said I could stop the Estrace but to continue my progesterone. I skipped last night because I felt it was over, so I’ll start that up again.

Now to add more worry, I just went and tried to have a BM and I strained. Afterward I had some pink/cloudy red bleeding down there. I called and left my care team a message. Who knows what’s going on. I’m so confused and lost. I don’t want to have false hope, but I don’t want to leave my little one on their own to fight alone. This hurts.

Weird limbo.

I’ve been checking for blood every single time I go to the bathroom, as well as every time I wake up, and so far, no bleeding. I’m still quite tired but not as tired as I was, and my nausea has been very minimal. I am still getting cramps like I did when the pregnancy first started, and this makes me wonder if there is any growth happening, even if it’s not viable. I told Adam this is such a shitty limbo to be in. I can’t wait for Tuesday, just to find out what’s going on. I read one story a few minutes ago where the baby was 4 days behind with a very very slow heartbeat, second US the baby hadn’t had any growth barely but the heartbeat rose, and at the third US had finally caught up. The baby was born at 41 weeks. I’m not holding on to hope that that could be our situation, but it was interesting to read.

Yesterday I shot a wedding and there were a few pregnant ladies present, but for the most part I was in photographer mode and it didn’t get to me as it would normally.

Every morning I wake up and remember that the baby inside of me is either dead or slowly dying. It’s really depressing.

We went and saw The Light Between Oceans this evening, and it probably wasn’t the best choice in movies but I had been wanting to see it for some time. My husband wasn’t very prepared for it, even though he knew the premise. SPOILER_ in the movie the wife has two miscarriages, and needless to say we were both crying watching this film. It was a good movie, just very sad and depressing.

I’m still taking my Estrace and progesterone and I wonder if those are the causes of my cramping.

Well, that’s it for now.

Ultrasound 9/1

I finally got my orders close to 4. Can you imagine if I hadn’t called? I CANNOT. My ultrasound will be with Dr. W on 9/1 at 8:45 am. Though I’m sad it’s two weeks away- TWO WEEKS!- since I’m on vacation I’m going to need that time to build up a few hours in my bank to be able to make the appointment. No earlier appointment for me! I was also told to take 2mg of Estrace just once a day now instead of twice, which is great! I’m looking forward to the time when I can stop my progesterone shots and the placenta takes over. My injection sites are SORE.

Acupuncture was NOT relaxing. The woman next to me was snoring the entire time. It gave me a headache, I just wanted to get out of there. I visited with my mom afterward then came home and lounged around. I went to bed after my shot at 8 pm and I’ve been up since 1ish when Adam went to bed.

Vacation has been great for dealing with my pregnancy tiredness- I am not looking forward to going back to work.

TWO WEEKS. I got this. For now…. haha :X

FET Friday

My lining is at 7.1. Adam gave me my first shot around 8:15 pm, and I’m still taking my Estrace twice a day. I’m happy I don’t have to take it vaginally this time around, that’s a nice “break.” I started taking the antibiotics as well. I’m scheduling my acupuncture sessions for this week right after this. I’m going to yoga tomorrow night after work.

Today we went to an engagement party and there were so many kids and a couple babies. One of the couples there has a beautiful baby girl and the mom is already 4 months pregnant with her next. I wish it didn’t hurt me as much as it does to see this- because as I’ve stated- I’m happy for others, but goddamn does it hurt because you can’t have it yourself.

I guess that’s it for now.

Letting my lining build

My therapist says I seem to be handling things much better than I was, which is great. Generally I feel like my normal self, but touching baby posts on FB really really do hurt. My bloodwork and scans were all normal, and I’m taking my Estrace twice a day. My next set of bloodwork and scans are on Saturday, so we’ll see what progress I’m making. I’m still feeling empty about this transfer. I am hoping beyond hope that it’s going to work. Thinking about having to wait months and months to continue this process is heartbreaking- I want to keep going. We’ll see what happens. I’m just hoping this is it.

“Cycle 4” underway

I just got the call from my fertility center- my insurance approved my FET and I was told to stop my BCP today. I should be getting a period in 3-5 days, and then I’ll be starting the whole process again. I asked for a timeline for transfer because my co worker will be on vacation until the 27th of July, and she put my estimated transfer around then (27th-29th).  So! She made a note of that and hopefully it will be fine. I’m hoping this is the stars aligning for a SUCCESSFUL and FULL TERM pregnancy. So my beta will be the second week of August, which is the week before my vacation. Here’s to hoping!

That’s it for now. I hope I’m making the right decision.

Scared but ramping up my optimism. COME. ON!

Cramping and insurance stress

I’ve had light cramping yesterday morning and this morning. It feels like my period coming on, but I hope it’s just my embryos getting cozy in my lining. Last night I felt so so sick. I had a boudoir shoot and my studio was very hot, as well as a client meeting out in the heat. I came home and went to bed very early in my air conditioned room. Feeling a little better this morning, just exhausted and crampy.

My insurance is being a pain. When we showed up for the transfer they said I had a balance, which makes no sense as my cycles are covered for now. I gotta call and straighten that out. Also, my insurance only approves my estrace up to once a day and I am taking it 5 times a day, so I was on the phone with Freedom Fertility and my care teams trying to sort that out. We ended up paying out of pocket for 65 pills, but luckily it was only $61.00-as opposed to the $3.47 I normally pay.

My hips are very sore from the progesterone injections. Tonight I am shooting until 8 pm, then I have at least an hour ride home. I’m wondering if the other photographer will inject me, but I can’t be sure. I might need to do it in the mirror :X or just wait until I get home.I have acupuncture again on Tuesday, as that is around the time implantation happens.

Well, I need to go get ready for today’s wedding. I’m going to bring double the amount of water I normally bring. The doctors said this was all fine but I’m a little nervous I’m doing too much- tomorrow I am doing NOTHING!


FET Friday!

So the pills I’ve been taking vaginally have turned my discharge blue, so that’s fun- HAHA. I never thought I’d be talking about my vagina for other people to read on the internet but hey never say never I guess.

My lining was 8.1mm this morning, yay! So tonight I’ll be starting my progesterone shots at 1CC until the 24th where I will up it to 2CC’s. I’m also going to be starting an antibiotic which I’ll be taking once a day, and continue with the estrace 3x a day orally and 2x a day vaginally.

My transfer is Friday morning at 10:45 am, and you can bet your sweet ass I’m scheduling my acupuncture for that morning or the day before, and the day after.

I’m going to try and avoid testing at home this time around- nothing good came from it and it was a huge waste of money. Here we go, ahhh!

You want me to put the pill where?

13235845_556305733843_439114710_nWell hello my old friend, Mr. Ultrasound.

This morning I had my blood work and scans. My endometrium is at 6.3mm, which is not where it needs to be. “Almost there!” as my care team said. So, they’ve upped my Estrace (estrogen pills) to three times a day orally and twice a day vaginally. So you take a pill, put it on your finger and shove it on up there, then strap on some panty liners. IVF does wonders for your sex life, if you haven’t noticed. ;P As my friend Adrianne said, “Your junk has been through way too much.” It will continue to go through things hopefully, like pushing out a baby!

So I have more blood work and scans on Sunday, in the clinic that is an hour away, on my 7th anniversary with Adam. Hopefully that brings us good luck. I’ve been cramping since I had my scans this morning, I don’t know why. So that’s the scoop for now. I for one, am NOT entirely shocked, that more waiting is part of the game at this stage. It wouldn’t be IVF if there wasn’t some waiting, would it?