7,611?!

After calling 5 times and not getting a care team member, I left a message for them saying I was going a little crazy and I would love to know the outcome of my blood test. My hCG came back at 7,611. WHAT?! I hung up with the nurse and starting crying immediately. I can’t believe it. She said the reason they hadn’t sent me orders was because Dr. P hadn’t reviewed it yet but once she does I’ll get orders in the portal for my ultrasound. I’m crying again. Oh my god.

I have acupuncture tonight. I’m in shock right now!!

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Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.

I’m sitting here refreshing my orders page on my fertility center’s patient portal. I’m scared I’m going to get a bad phone call any minute. AHHH! Generally they just update the portal with information and phone calls are reserved for the “you’re pregnant!” call and the “you’re no longer pregnant” call. I’M SO SCARED. I came home after my blood work and slept as long as I could, and the rest of the time is me hitting refresh over and over again. Sometimes the website fakes me out and takes longer to load, like there’s new information there or something. Ugh.

I had a dream last night I was going in to the hospital and to give birth. My contractions weren’t close enough together so I was going to be waiting a while. I even thought to myself false alarm, and they might send me home.

Vacation cut short, staycation until Monday

I had a great time on my vacation! Swimming, kayaking, an orchestra show (which had a gnarly thunderstorm in the middle of it!) and I read 3 books!

Adam had to come home on Tuesday. I thought I would stay until Thursday but this morning I was missing him and wanted to come home earlier than that. So this morning I left at 10:30 and made my way back home. On my way home I called the fertility center and changed my blood work to tomorrow morning (yay!) and I called and ordered some more progesterone, as well as made an acupuncture appointment for tomorrow.

The whole time on vacation I had cramping (very mild) on and off, and I was SO tired. Nausea here and there. My boobs are still hurting on and off as well. I freaked out my second night there and bought some pregnancy tests. My digital test said “YES+” and it calmed me down, I still haven’t taken the second test. Today I’m 5 weeks and 3 days pregnant, and that was the point where I lost my last pregnancy. I’m nervous but feel mostly calm. I think being away from google and support groups really helped calm me down.

I’ve been having really vivid dreams lately, and in one of them I had quadruplets. AHH!

I’m excited and scared for tomorrow’s blood work. Let’s hope this goes well!!

2nd beta=447 – yess!

I’m so happy! My beta was 447 today. “A great rise!”

I looked it up and

Doubling Time (Hours): 46.04

the normal doubling time is between 31 and 72 hours.

My next beta is a week from today, but I’ll be 2 hours away on vacation, so I’m going to call them and ask what I should do. Hopefully there is a place out there I can get blood drawn!

I’m relieved but still nervous!! Woo!

 

edit- I talked to my care team- they scheduled my next beta for next Saturday- OOF. That’s a week and 4 days. Maybe I should have just left vacation to do the beta… Yikes! They said it didn’t matter when I did it. Not to them! lol 🙂 Hopefully I can relax on my trip!

Beta #2 drawn, now the wait

I had my second beta drawn this morning, now we wait.

I feel very tired, nauseous, my boobs hurt (different than last time but they still hurt!) and I’ve been having cramping for days on days, which makes me feel reassured that the embie/embies are still in momma ❤

I wish I could take the day off and go to bed but I have vacation next week, so no time to spare!

Last night at therapy I told my therapist that I felt psycho, but after some questions she said it sounds like I’m handling things well. I’m still functioning in life and I’m doing self care. There’s nothing else I can do. I have a lengthy past of anxiety and depression and I know that I am handling everything like I should be, but on the inside I still feel crazy.

Can’t wait to hear my numbers.

Beta= 217 – I am pregnant!

Woooohoo!

My beta came in. 217. I am pregnant 🙂
Dr. P says that’s a great first number and of course I’ll go back in two days to make sure it’s doubling. She says we should remain cautiously optimistic but she’s very happy with that number! Hubs is not excited because he’s scared from last time, but thinks once we get passed where we were last time that will increase. I’m excited but also cautious. Great start to my week!

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Gang’s all here!

I had my beta drawn this morning. Now the long wait until around lunch time when I hear the official word. I feel like I’m in good shape. We shall see!

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So before yesterday’s wedding I went to buy some more HPTs for this morning and tomorrow morning. They were out of First response early response, so what you’re seeing is First response rapid response (on the left) and a CVS version of an early response on the right. I was worried if I only got the rapid response the line might be too light and I’d freak out, so I bought an early response to make myself feel better. YES I AM DEEP IN PSYCHOSIS. This will hopefully be settled tomorrow when I get my beta. AND A GOOD BETA AT THAT! The lines are stronger than my last pregnancy so I am thinking I’m in good shape. We’ll see tomorrow!

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Letting my lining build

My therapist says I seem to be handling things much better than I was, which is great. Generally I feel like my normal self, but touching baby posts on FB really really do hurt. My bloodwork and scans were all normal, and I’m taking my Estrace twice a day. My next set of bloodwork and scans are on Saturday, so we’ll see what progress I’m making. I’m still feeling empty about this transfer. I am hoping beyond hope that it’s going to work. Thinking about having to wait months and months to continue this process is heartbreaking- I want to keep going. We’ll see what happens. I’m just hoping this is it.