3dp5dt and I’m already wondering..

I’ve been positive this time around, but now the doubts are starting to creep in. My husband said “The embryos are microscopic! You wouldn’t feel anything yet anyway.” but I can’t stop wondering if they’ve taken to me this time. Tomorrow I have acupuncture, and the rest of the week I am busy after work. Today is my only day of doing nothing so maybe the rest of the week will help. Please please stay with me, embies!

Cramping and insurance stress

I’ve had light cramping yesterday morning and this morning. It feels like my period coming on, but I hope it’s just my embryos getting cozy in my lining. Last night I felt so so sick. I had a boudoir shoot and my studio was very hot, as well as a client meeting out in the heat. I came home and went to bed very early in my air conditioned room. Feeling a little better this morning, just exhausted and crampy.

My insurance is being a pain. When we showed up for the transfer they said I had a balance, which makes no sense as my cycles are covered for now. I gotta call and straighten that out. Also, my insurance only approves my estrace up to once a day and I am taking it 5 times a day, so I was on the phone with Freedom Fertility and my care teams trying to sort that out. We ended up paying out of pocket for 65 pills, but luckily it was only $61.00-as opposed to the $3.47 I normally pay.

My hips are very sore from the progesterone injections. Tonight I am shooting until 8 pm, then I have at least an hour ride home. I’m wondering if the other photographer will inject me, but I can’t be sure. I might need to do it in the mirror :X or just wait until I get home.I have acupuncture again on Tuesday, as that is around the time implantation happens.

Well, I need to go get ready for today’s wedding. I’m going to bring double the amount of water I normally bring. The doctors said this was all fine but I’m a little nervous I’m doing too much- tomorrow I am doing NOTHING!

 

Embies are home!

So my transfer happened this morning, it went perfectly! I woke up and showered and got ready, and while doing so I was listening to NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys, as well as other teeny bopper music I used to enjoy in my youth- and let’s be honest, still enjoy now. I was bopping around and singing and dancing- I wanted to have positive happy vibes going in to this!

Dr. Plante was the one to do the transfer, so I was so excited, as so far other doctors at her practice have done my retrievals, testing, and my fresh transfer. I think that’s a good sign! She’s such a sweetheart. She told me the embryos are perfect!

I was able to take a video of my transfer when they showed us the replay. I’m unable to upload it here but here are a few screen caps!

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my beautiful embryos ❤

Afterwards I had acupuncture, which I also had last night.

I’ll be going again in 4 days as that is around the time of implantation.

My pregnancy test is June 6th, and I have photography jobs this weekend- minus Monday, and something going on every night this upcoming week, and again with a photography job and an event on Sunday next weekend. I think it’s good I’ll be busy, to keep my mind off of if it’s worked this time, and to avoid testing at home- that drove me crazy last time.

Waiting as always. COME ON EMBRYOS, STAY WITH MAMA!

I can’t escape the pregnancy announcements!

I am ready to go for tomorrow.

I’m having acupuncture this evening. Tomorrow morning is the transfer, and immediately after that I’m having acupuncture again. Rest.

I have a photo shoot Saturday afternoon (I’m a photographer, by the way) and a client meeting right after. Luckily the shoot is boudoir so it’s not physically challenging, and a client meeting is like meeting a friend for coffee. Sunday I’m second shooting a wedding, which is more so physically challening. I’m going to ask the doctor if this is all okay. Unfortunately you can’t really plan IVF timelines even when you try so I didn’t know I’d be having a transfer when I booked all of these things!

Also, I can’t escape baby announcements on Facebook. Seems every day there is another.. a lot of women are even on their second or third children- and all younger than I am! It’s my turn, dammit!

This has to work. THIS HAS TO WORK!

FET Friday!

So the pills I’ve been taking vaginally have turned my discharge blue, so that’s fun- HAHA. I never thought I’d be talking about my vagina for other people to read on the internet but hey never say never I guess.

My lining was 8.1mm this morning, yay! So tonight I’ll be starting my progesterone shots at 1CC until the 24th where I will up it to 2CC’s. I’m also going to be starting an antibiotic which I’ll be taking once a day, and continue with the estrace 3x a day orally and 2x a day vaginally.

My transfer is Friday morning at 10:45 am, and you can bet your sweet ass I’m scheduling my acupuncture for that morning or the day before, and the day after.

I’m going to try and avoid testing at home this time around- nothing good came from it and it was a huge waste of money. Here we go, ahhh!

Cycle two- close but definitely no cigar.

I started cycle two full of anxiety. The vigor and excitement and buzz that surrounded my first IVF cycle wasn’t there. I kept hearing from everyone to just stay positive, and of course I was trying, but still I was wary.

I started my medications and I was off. Same old routine that I had gone through the last time, monitoring appointments every other day, with blood work.  I ended up stimming for a shorter amount of time at 7 days as opposed to the first round of 12. I was very paranoid about overstimulation, and I was not looking forward to my egg retrieval.

March 30th I went in for my second retrieval, this time I was a lot more calm and was excited to get it over with. When I was going over the paper work the nurse mentioned that my fresh embryo transfer would be scheduled for that coming Monday. I remember clamping my hand over my mouth and tearing up, willing myself not to cry. Transfer? Already? We weren’t doing another freeze all? I didn’t overstimulate?! I was excited about that. The doctor was able to retrieve 26 eggs this time around, which was unbelievable considering the first time we only were able to retrieve 12 eggs. My husband jokingly referred to me as the easter bunny. Ha!

April 5th was the day that our two perfect little embryos were transferred back into my uterus. It was an emotional day. Adam was there holding my hand as they went back in, and I was wiping tears from my eyes as we waScreen Shot 2016-04-04 at 3.16.00 PM.pngtched on the screen. I remember the embryologist telling me they were “beautiful” when she brought them in. The doctor told me to go get pregnant and within ten minutes we were out the door. We were both so excited and gushing. Adam wanted to post our embryos on Facebook, the first time it was feeling really real for him. I told him to hold off, in case they didn’t take. We did share the photo with some friends, but having to explain to all our social media friends seemed daunting.

Our beta, first pregnancy test, was scheduled for Thursday, April 14th and those days of waiting were absolutely torturous. Waiting, wondering, hoping, wishing- it was a lot. I held off on any HPT (home pregnancy tests) until day 4. I took a HPT test 4dp5dt and I saw almost nothing. Almost.Screen Shot 2016-04-19 at 3.16.00 PM I decided to test again the next day, in the morning, and I saw a faint faint line. I was excited but cautious. I had felt rumblings going on down in my womb, cramping and twinges and pulling. I had terrible heartburn every single day, no matter what I ate. It woke me up in the middle of the night. I was getting more and more excited. Surely, I must be pregnant! I thought to myself. A day after my retrieval I started doing acupuncture. The day after my transfer I lay in the acupuncturists room, needles stuck in between my eyebrows, legs, arms, and feet- my hands on my stomach, I felt an energy, a buzz. I could feel them! Then, during week two, the buzz, the energy, it was gone. I felt empty. My HPTs were stark white. My heartburn was gone. At 6dp5dt we had had intercourse and I had bled right afterwards. Adam called our care team, me in a panic, did we do anything wrong? They reassured us we hadn’t, but to refrain from further intercourse to keep from freaking ourselves out. The next 4 days every time I had a bowel movement I bled bright red blood. I called for three days, freaked out. Nothing I could do but wait until my beta. It could be my period coming, but that was too early, or it could be my cervix being sensitive. No way to know until it was time.

The drive to the clinic on the morning of my beta was full of anxiety. I knew it was going to be negative, but did I? I told the phlebotomist that I didn’t think it worked, that I wasn’t pregnant. She gave me a sympathetic look, wished me luck and I went on my way.

I received a phone call from one of the nurses from my care team around lunch time while I was at work and I could tell from her voice and when she asked me if I had a minute to talk to her somewhere private that I knew my fears had been realized. I wasn’t pregnant. Our conversation was a daze and I scheduled my follow up with Dr. Plante for the following Monday (which- in real time, was yesterday.) I hung up and cried into my lunch. My co workers avoided asking me about it, they knew what was going on. I cried to my boss, told her about my follow up, then took an extra long lunch. I called Adam, and my mom. I was so upset.

One of my good friends had a baby show a few days after I got my results and I couldn’t go. I didn’t want to be the crazy lady crying at onesies at her shower. I felt awful but knew it was the right decision. I was just so emotional and raw still.

Yesterday, which was Monday, I had my follow up with Dr. Plante. She said I did everything correctly, and that the cycle was textbook perfect. The embryos were textbook perfect. It is literally a flip of the coin every single time. Luckily for us, I have 5 embryos frozen and waiting for me. We submitted the paperwork to my insurance for my FET (frozen embryo transfer) and I’m currently on birth control pills, as well as my period. Once they get the okay from my insurance, I’ll be given a stop date for the BCP and I’ll have my next steps.

This is a rough journey, an emotional one, and it’s very hard. Now you’re caught up to present day, and I’m onto cycle 3. Hopefully third time is a charm!