Category: Pregnancy psychosis

7,611?!

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After calling 5 times and not getting a care team member, I left a message for them saying I was going a little crazy and I would love to know the outcome of my blood test. My hCG came back at 7,611. WHAT?! I hung up with the nurse and starting crying immediately. I can’t believe it. She said the reason they hadn’t sent me orders was because Dr. P hadn’t reviewed it yet but once she does I’ll get orders in the portal for my ultrasound. I’m crying again. Oh my god.

I have acupuncture tonight. I’m in shock right now!!

2nd beta=447 – yess!

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I’m so happy! My beta was 447 today. “A great rise!”

I looked it up and

Doubling Time (Hours): 46.04

the normal doubling time is between 31 and 72 hours.

My next beta is a week from today, but I’ll be 2 hours away on vacation, so I’m going to call them and ask what I should do. Hopefully there is a place out there I can get blood drawn!

I’m relieved but still nervous!! Woo!

 

edit- I talked to my care team- they scheduled my next beta for next Saturday- OOF. That’s a week and 4 days. Maybe I should have just left vacation to do the beta… Yikes! They said it didn’t matter when I did it. Not to them! lol 🙂 Hopefully I can relax on my trip!

Beta #2 drawn, now the wait

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I had my second beta drawn this morning, now we wait.

I feel very tired, nauseous, my boobs hurt (different than last time but they still hurt!) and I’ve been having cramping for days on days, which makes me feel reassured that the embie/embies are still in momma ❤

I wish I could take the day off and go to bed but I have vacation next week, so no time to spare!

Last night at therapy I told my therapist that I felt psycho, but after some questions she said it sounds like I’m handling things well. I’m still functioning in life and I’m doing self care. There’s nothing else I can do. I have a lengthy past of anxiety and depression and I know that I am handling everything like I should be, but on the inside I still feel crazy.

Can’t wait to hear my numbers.

The waiting continues..

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This morning I had my blood work and ultrasound. Everything looks normal on the ultrasound- ovaries, tubes, lining, etc.. other than the fact that the tech saw NOTHING in the uterus. What? My heart dropped. So I hope my embryo/embryos are buried in my lining and that’s why we can’t see them yet. I’m going to stop reading my Ovia pregnancy app, because the information I’m getting from it is not accurate according to this morning’s ultrasound. I was going by an IVF calculator in the first place so I’m going to forget that all for now. The tech sounded sad for me and said “Sorry you have to be on this roller coaster” to which I said thank you. So now I’m worried and waiting by the phone, as usual. Hopefully my numbers are rising and I am still pregnant.

Sigh.

20dp5dt

Ultrasound in the morning, and blood work

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Dr. P called back and we chatted about what was going on. She said that sometimes progesterone can give you bad pains that feel like the REALLY bad pains. She also said it’s too early to be symptomatic for a tubal pregnancy, but she wants to do an ultrasound just in case, and to see what’s going on in there. I had some spotting that was maroonish mixed with brown but I’m back to brown again. It might be too early to see anything on the ultrasound. It’s normal to have spotting as long as it’s not bright red, so I’m trying to remain calm. I’m also getting my beta that was scheduled for Friday tomorrow morning. Adam is coming with me. It’s going to be in the far away satellite, so I had to tell work I wouldn’t be in until 10 am-ish. Also, no sexy times. I’m fine with that, not quite in the mood at this time.. haha.

So that’s the scoop. I’m sorry for the ladies who aren’t pregnant yet to be reading this. I feel like I sound crazy! I just didn’t expect any of this and the pains were so bad.

Beta #3= 689

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I had my third beta today. My results were 689. I have a 4th blood draw (are they called betas still after number 3?) on Friday. I’m a little nervous as most people seem to only have 3 and then they are on to ultrasound scheduling but I also read that you have to have an HCG level of 1000 for that.

My pain is gone today, thankfully, and I’m hoping it was just indigestion. I do feel weird, however. I feel like I can’t breathe, but I can breathe fine.. and my limbs feel weird. It must be anxiety. I’ve had anxiety my whole life, you’d think I’d recognize it by now. I used to have very severe attacks. One of my co workers pointed out that pregnancy hormones do crazy things, so that could be it. I also had to take progesterone in oil last night because I didn’t have the special compound (ethyl oleate) that I’ve been using, so it could be that, too. I feel like crying, I feel like sleeping, and I’m dizzy and just feel WEIRD.

I posted to one of my IVF support groups about my number and one woman so far said my number sound great, generally they just want to be safe. So… I’m going to try and relax. I’m still pregnant, and according to the beta calculator my numbers are rising every 2.27 days- which is good! (you want to see between 2 and 3 ideally)

So I guess that’s that for now!

Beta #1- 64
Beta #2-111
Beta #3- 689

5 weeks, 2 days pregnant

Beta # 3 switched to tomorrow…

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Today I’ve been having pain in my right side and my back. It really hurts and it’s freaking me out! I had to strain for a bowel movement and got out a little bit two times, and I’ve been burping and ATTEMPTING to pass gas but nothing seems to be bringing me any relief. I went to dr.google and got really scared, so I stopped that and called my care team. They said they don’t think it’s an ectopic pregnancy as it’s too early for that, but they are moving my 3rd beta up to tomorrow to see where my levels are. She suspects it’s normal pregnancy stuff. I hope so!

 

OUCH!

10 hours of sleep

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I went to bed at 9 pm last night, resulting in 10 glorious hours of sleep. I’m just trying to listen to my body and do what it wants me to do. Honestly I could have slept longer. My nausea has calmed down quite a bit, but I find myself still very tired. Cramping on and off, and sometimes when I twist I get sharp pulling pains. I’m just hoping that everything is progressing as it should! Trying not to let pregnancy psychosis take over. It’s hard, with all the terrifying things you read.

This weekend I’m going to my friend Adrianne’s bachelorette party. I hope I’m not too much of a party pooper, I might need naps and I might need to go to bed earlier then everyone. We shall see!

Yesterday I talked to my insurance company about the balance I have at the fertility center. Apparently I have surgical copays no one told me about. Cool. It’s better than paying thousands! She also told me that while my current IVF authorization ends in October, if it’s renewed by the doctor and 4 cycles doesn’t do it, I have an additional two cycles. What? No one told me this, either. So instead of 4 cycles I have 6 cycles approved lifetime. That’s awesome! I hope that this current pregnancy goes to term, and I can use the other cycles in the future should I need them.

So yea, that’s it. Trying to stay calm and trust that this pregnancy will go to full term and result in the baby we’ve been trying for for years.

Come on poppy seed! ❤

1st trimester-
4 weeks, 5 days pregnant
Third beta this Wednesday!

“Your baby is developing its primitive heart tube, which will form its heart soon”
(from the Ovia pregnancy app)

Beta #2, a success!

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Beta number 2 was 111, “a nice rise” they say. It’s hard not to compare my betas to others, but I have to remember we are all different, and the fact that I am indeed pregnant. I’m scared something is going to take it away from me. Next beta is next Wednesday the 15th. According to my new Ovia pregnancy app, Baby C is the size of a poppy seed.

Oh! I also found this very comforting and informative-

http://www.ivfconnections.com/forums/content.php/751-use-our-beta-hcg-calculator-to-understand-your-ivf-beta-levels

12dp5dt
Beta #1- 64
Beta #2-111