TMI Tuesday

I’ve started my period. The cramps are horrific, and it’s the THICKEST period I have ever seen in my life. TMI, but like, I could pull HUGE clots out of myself. It’s crazy.

My depression and irritability has been hard to deal with but I’m trying. I saw a photo of myself from my second shooter’s images from the wedding and I am not happy with that, either. Ever since I started this whole IVF journey I’ve probably gained 20 pounds, and I probably need to lose a good 30 pounds at least. I’m going to stop comfort eating and get my ass moving. The endorphins will help with the depression.

Wooo.

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HCG= 19

I just got today’s blood work back. My HCG is at 19. I have to go back again on Monday to get my blood drawn again. I want to know exactly what happened and where I go from here, but I guess my HCG levels have to completely diminish first. I don’t know when I’ll be speaking to Dr. P again, I wonder if I should call and ask.

I’m having cramping and light bleeding today.

Work has been hard, I don’t like pretending I’m okay when I’m really not. I think this weekend’s wedding madness took away all my reserves to do so.

Update- They aren’t sure what this was yet. I have a follow up with Dr. Plante on Tuesday of next week. It sounds like a chemical to me, from all my research and other ladies experiences, but I won’t know for sure until I meet with Dr. P.

Crashed today

Well, both weddings went very well and I was able to forget things mostly. I did cry on the way home from the first wedding. Last night I was so exhausted I didn’t event think about anything. I skipped my blood draw on Saturday morning. We didn’t home until 12:30 am Friday night, technically Saturday morning. I would have to get up at 5:30 am, to get to the blood draw for 7¬†am, and then drive back home, sleep for like a minute, and get back up again to drive another hour for the wedding, work 6 more hours, drive another hour home. Nope. So I slept in. They emailed me and said to come in on Monday, so I’m going before work tomorrow. I’ve never missed a blood draw or appointment this whole process, but why go through all that to find out my levels are indeed dropping? Meh.

Today I visited my parents, and this afternoon was a big family party. There are 4 birthdays this week in Adam’s family. I’m introverted, so all of my social skills were drained from the last two days anyway, and I haven’t had any time to myself so I didn’t last at the party long. I came inside, went to the bathroom, had some pink/light red blood. I think that triggered things, because Adam came in and I started bawling. He held me. I didn’t go back out to the party.

I’m pretty sad and depressed. It isn’t a constant thought but I feel it in my body and my bones.

Ultrasound in the morning, and blood work

Dr. P called back and we chatted about what was going on. She said that sometimes progesterone can give you bad pains that feel like the REALLY bad pains. She also said it’s too early to be symptomatic for a tubal pregnancy, but she wants to do an ultrasound just in case, and to see what’s going on in there. I had some spotting that was maroonish mixed with brown but I’m back to brown again. It might be too early to see anything on the ultrasound. It’s normal to have spotting as long as it’s not bright red, so I’m trying to remain calm. I’m also getting my beta that was scheduled for Friday tomorrow morning. Adam is coming with me. It’s going to be in the far away satellite, so I had to tell work I wouldn’t be in until 10 am-ish. Also, no sexy times. I’m fine with that, not quite in the mood at this time.. haha.

So that’s the scoop. I’m sorry for the ladies who aren’t pregnant yet to be reading this. I feel like I sound crazy! I just didn’t expect any of this and the pains were so bad.

The words I’ve been waiting for…

I. AM. PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr. Plante called just before lunch and she sounded so excited. She said the words I’ve been waiting to hear.. I’m pregnant! I was jumping up and down and crying. I can’t believe it! My numbers are at 64, and she says we are off to a good start! I’m going to be taking one less estrogen pill a day but keeping up with all other meds. My next beta is on Wednesday. I just can’t believe it.

I called my mom and said “Hi Meme” and she start screaming, and Adam said “I’m running! I’m just running out of the building!” and we were laughing and so happy. I’m in shock and it feels really surreal.

I’m going to stop by my Pepe’s house after work and hopefully tell my dad later in person.. he called my mom wondering. Ahh!!

10p5dt- and pregnant!

Overslept on beta day.. but I made it there!

Last night I was so excited and anxious I couldn’t sleep. I finally fell asleep around 3 am, and my alarm was set for 5:45 am. I woke up at 6:30- around the time I leave to get to the clinic! I had been hitting snooze continuously and decided I should probably check the time. I jumped out of bed, showered and got ready and was out the door by 6:45. Of course there was a ton of traffic but I tried to stay calm. I got there in time, had my blood drawn, and now I’m waiting some more. I have my phone on loud so patients or my co-workers will be enjoying a little bit of the Dr Who theme. I’ll update when I know!

10dp5dt- Beta drawn- WAITING!!

Faint BFP 9dp5dt… c’moooon!

I tested again this morning, and the line showed up immediately.

BFP9dp5dt

It’s still faint, which worries me. I’m scared of a chemical pregnancy. I’m still having many symptoms though, including VERY sore boobs, on and off cramping, exhaustion, and nausea. I’ll know for sure tomorrow. I almost bought another first response but was too tired to go get one. Ha. I hope to update tomorrow with really really good news!

9dp5dt

Two more days until Beta..

Last night I went out with some of my old co workers in Boston. My friend Jen (from the show the other night) gave me my injection in the bathroom- she was such a pro! I felt nothing. “This feels illegal!” hahaha

It was fun being out, I also saw my old roommate and good friend with his girlfriend which was great. It was a lovely evening! I never really miss Boston until I’m there. I lived there for 7 or 8 years, and while I enjoy where I live now, the nostalgia does kick in when I’m there.

I swear, this has to be it. I am exhausted. My boobs are sore- last night my friend gave me a hug goodbye and I almost yelped because when she squeezed me my boobs hurt so bad. My drive to Boston I nodded off for a second- I was exhausted the whole trip up. Terrifying. I am still nauseous as ever. If it’s not a BFP this is one cruel joke!

Today I’m shooting a wedding as a second shooter and spending the night with my friend Adrianne, as my house will have some dudes over for a bachelor party. I’m out of the wedding at 8:30, I’ll probably get to her place around 9:30. I’m thinking I’m going to have her do my injection instead of attempting at the wedding. She’s already agreed to do it this coming weekend (if I’m pregnant!) when I go to the Cape with her and some ladies for HER bachelorette, so here’s to hoping it’s one of several injections she will be giving me.

Off I go!

8dp5dt

p.s.- I haven’t tested again!

Maybe, yes!!!, no (but yes I think)

Soooo I’m clearly in the midst of the TWW IVF psychosis. I told my therapist I would NOT TEST last night, but.. I did. Well technically it was this morning, as it was 12:30 am or something. So I did not lie to her! I had fallen asleep on the couch, and when I woke up my boobs felt like two boulders on my chest. I thought well I haven’t peed for many hours, why not…

Within 2 minutes of taking the test…

Screen Shot 2016-06-03 at 10.00.36 AM

I SEE THAT SECOND LINE! That is no evap line, ladies and.. well, probably just ladies. I went to bed but I couldn’t fall asleep. I drank a lot of water, and I testing again this morning. This time I took a digital, and it said no. I did my research and they aren’t as sensitive, so I’m not too worried yet. Could this be it?! I’m still having the same symptoms I’ve been having, so I’m very hopeful. I’m going to try and hold off and take my last test on Sunday, right before BETA day. Luckily I am very busy until then so I won’t be too anguished.

C’monnnn pregnancy!!

7dp5dt

It’s because I have little self control..

While I was polling a support group and researching whether or not I should do an early HPT, my care team called. The nurse wanted to check in and see how I was doing, to which I responded “psycho” and she laughed. I told her some of my symptoms to which some of them sounded very promising, she said. I told her I was glad she called as I was just considering doing a HPT. She said I should hold off until Sunday night, but if I did test early, not to get discouraged if it’s negative.

Also, on the internets, this..

6 Placenta cells secrete human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream

So if hCG just started entering the blood stream, it’s probably too early? Eh? Did that stop me? NO!

pg

And I thought maybe I saw a little something? But okay, maybe not, so it’s too early. One of the ladies in the support group asked if I had threw the test away, which I hadn’t, and if I could post it because she thought she saw something. So..

faintbt2faintpt

VERY VERY FAINT lines. I’m not too excited yet though because these were taken 20 minutes after I did the test, so like.. EVAP LINES!?

Unfortunately time will only tell. Please be there, PLEASE BE PREGNANT!