9dp5dt

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So before yesterday’s wedding I went to buy some more HPTs for this morning and tomorrow morning. They were out of First response early response, so what you’re seeing is First response rapid response (on the left) and a CVS version of an early response on the right. I was worried if I only got the rapid response the line might be too light and I’d freak out, so I bought an early response to make myself feel better. YES I AM DEEP IN PSYCHOSIS. This will hopefully be settled tomorrow when I get my beta. AND A GOOD BETA AT THAT! The lines are stronger than my last pregnancy so I am thinking I’m in good shape. We’ll see tomorrow!

9dp5dt

8dp5dt

I’m in the testing every day madness and I can’t stop it, so I’m just rolling with it. I tested this morning and it was SO LIGHT that I got discouraged. I left it alone for 10 minutes and came back and voila!

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Could this be it? I was visualizing us with our baby and I’m starting to get really excited. From last time I’m scared to though.

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I think I’m in pretty good shape? Not pictured: internet cheapy tests that drive infertile women around the world CRAZY.

I’m second shooting a wedding this afternoon. I think I’m going to pick up ONE more pack of tests so I can test tomorrow and MONDAY MORNING which is beta.

Oh mannnnnn!

Another barely there cheapy HPT

I took one again this morning. Barely there again. After work I’m going to buy the FRER tests. I don’t know what to think.

Last night and today my head is pounding, cramping is coming and going, and I just want to sleep. I just need it to be Monday.

I can’t stop HPT.

I took one of my internet cheapy tests from Amazon when we were trying naturally. There’s a barely visible faint line. I hope the lines will only get stronger and not fade. I know I said I’d stop testing BUT I CANNOT STOP AHHH! The only place I have to talk about it is here and my IVF support group. Sorry for the overabundance of posts. I’m deep in the TWW psychosis.

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I tested again this morning.

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It’s so so faint but it’s there. My husband and I got into a little argument last night. He doesn’t want to put any stock in these faintly positive tests. Before this cycle we talked about not getting excited until it’s official official. Like heartbeat official. I told him that we can be happy about the little steps in the right direction, but he doesn’t see it that way. He said last time was devastating (of course) and he doesn’t want to preemptively get excited. I was upset with him but I have to respect his feelings. I hate that infertility steals these precious moments from us.

I had a dream I was bleeding and in my dream I said “I lost it.” I hope that’s not a sign and just my anxiety leaking into my dreams. I’m probably not going to test tonight but I probably will tomorrow or Saturday. Definitely Sunday.

Sigh. This is so hard.

5DP5DT Part 3- yes I’m psycho

I broke down and tested. Seems like every time I tell someone I’m holding off as long as I can, I go and test. So..

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SO SO LIGHT, it’s barely visible, BUT I SEE IT.

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Still barely visible, but it’s there!

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Sooooo yeah.

Do I test again tomorrow? Do I wait? I DONT KNOW!

 

5pd5dt part 2

Soon after I made my first update I started feeling pulling sensations in my womb. At one point I had sharp sharp pains in my uterus and I had to bend over. They went away though. I’m only updating again so when I refer to this for my next round (HOPEFULLY for our next child) I can see how I was feeling. A nurse from Dr. P’s office called to check on me. Monday is getting close!

I have prenatal yoga tonight at 7, can’t wait!

5dp5dt

I had my 4dp5dt acupuncture session last night. Last night I had that stabby achey feeling in what feels like my cervix, like I’ve had my last two transfers on day 4. I was excited but Adam told me not to get too excited. This morning I woke up with mild cramps, but other than that, I feel nothing. My St. Gerard bracelet broke over night and the little charm was stuck right where I get my injections. I fixed it this morning and am wearing it again.

I just feel crazy. I hope this works. Please let this be the one.

3dp5dt

Of course the TWW is driving me crazy already. I don’t have any symptoms, but I wouldn’t would I? Implantation is usually 4dp5dt, so that would be tomorrow. I don’t feel positive like I did the last time. I really hope this worked. I never thought I would feel sad and bitter when I saw other people getting pregnant or having babies but it’s weighing me down. My FB is seriously just full of babies. I run my business page through FB otherwise I’d just shut it down for a while. I feel really anxious and disheartened. I can’t take this anymore with much gusto. I know I should put out the positive vibes but it’s really hard to after all this time. We’ve hit 2 years of trying as of last week. It feels like it’s never going to happen.