Meds- ordered. It’s happening again!

I’ve been pretty numb to starting another cycle until today. I can’t believe we are here again. Not necessarily in a bad way, it just feels surreal. I feel so much older and in the grand scheme of things it hasn’t been that long. I was chatting with my therapist about how I’m finally getting back to normal and out of my depressive episode and I’m throwing myself back in this again. I just have to keep up the self care. I’ve booked 4 weddings since my last update, so that’s definitely been a boost! If I get pregnant next month, I don’t foresee any issues with any of the weddings, especially since two of them are for summer and fall of 2018. My last wedding of this season is currently in mid October, which would put me at roughly 7 months pregnant, if I get pregnant next month, and if it lasts. I have plans for if I’m on bed rest, and will be hiring extra help. I’m getting ahead of myself of course, but you need to have a plan when you’re responsible for someone’s wedding photos! A lot of photographers I know keep shooting up until the last few weeks of their pregnancies! So we’ll see.

I’ve been exercising a lot and I’m not losing weight but gaining. I think it’s because I’m gaining muscle. My tummy and face have slimmed down and several people have remarked how I look thinner. My aunt said “You got skinny!” I’ve been eating really well, too. I’m going to schedule my first acupuncture session for next week, to get a few “on the books” before I get to my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork the 24th. I have a photography retreat at the end of the month which I’m looking forward to as well.

I hope 2017 fucking rules!

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Next cycled begins 2/24!

My period showed up today. Naturally! Holy mackerel the cramps are horrendous. I used to get pretty terrible periods when I was a teen.. although not quite THAT bad, they still suck. I’m just glad it’s here! Tomorrow I start my active birth control pills, which I stop on the 21st. My baseline bloodwork and ultrasound will start on 2/24, and my meds have been sent in to the pharmacy, I just have to call them tomorrow. I have quite a few medications in my fridge that I was going to donate when it was “safe” to do so, needless to say I still have them. It’s surreal this is all happening again. I’m excited to get going.

I just started feeling normal a few days ago, and I’m about to do this all again. YEP. I’ve been going to spin class (usually at 6 am!) and yoga classes, eating better, and my mood has been improving. I also increased my anti depressants so I’m taking 30mg of celexa every day and I think that’s finally kicked in as well. I have therapy tomorrow evening, I’ve been going every two weeks.

I booked two weddings last week and in the last week and a half I’ll have had 7 consultations. Trying to do my thang here! I have a photography retreat the weekend and into the first week of my cycle, over an hour away from where I live.. Saturday through Wednesday.. I’m hoping I don’t have to drive back and forth (I rented a hotel room) but if I do then hey, gotta do what you gotta do…

Everyone is all excited for the superbowl but honestly I couldn’t care less. Oops. :X

 

Pregnancy loss follow up, looking to cycle 4

I had a follow up with Dr. Plante today. While we can’t prove it, she is leaning toward my early pregnancy loss being a tubal one, from the intense pain I was having on my one side. She thinks the embryo was pushed out of my tube before we did that ultrasound which is why we didn’t see anything, but of course we can never prove it. So we’re just calling it an early pregnancy loss. I only have one cycle left before she has to reapply for me to get two additional cycles, which will be it for me- at least on my insurance, so we are going to do another fresh cycle. My 3 remaining frosties are a B and two C-. My insurance counts FETs as cycles so it’s like I’m getting an “extra” transfer with the fresh, unless I overstimulate like my first cycle, as well as more frosties in case my remaining 3 cycles don’t work. So! They’re sending in the paperwork and off I go in the next few weeks for cycle 4, my 3rd full IVF cycle.

The good news is I was able to get pregnant, and that if I did have a tube pregnancy, it situated itself before it got scary. Also another good thing is I got a lot of good quality eggs with my last fresh cycle’s protocol, so as long as I do the same thing again, I feel like we should be good. I hope! My optimism is dwindled and muted, but I’m trying to trudge on. Adam asked me how I felt about it after I asked HIM, because “it’s your body getting fucked with, not mine.” I told him I’ll do what I have to do, and he called me his Xena.

I guess warrior princesses don’t always feel as such.