HCG= 19

I just got today’s blood work back. My HCG is at 19. I have to go back again on Monday to get my blood drawn again. I want to know exactly what happened and where I go from here, but I guess my HCG levels have to completely diminish first. I don’t know when I’ll be speaking to Dr. P again, I wonder if I should call and ask.

I’m having cramping and light bleeding today.

Work has been hard, I don’t like pretending I’m okay when I’m really not. I think this weekend’s wedding madness took away all my reserves to do so.

Update- They aren’t sure what this was yet. I have a follow up with Dr. Plante on Tuesday of next week. It sounds like a chemical to me, from all my research and other ladies experiences, but I won’t know for sure until I meet with Dr. P.

Crashed today

Well, both weddings went very well and I was able to forget things mostly. I did cry on the way home from the first wedding. Last night I was so exhausted I didn’t event think about anything. I skipped my blood draw on Saturday morning. We didn’t home until 12:30 am Friday night, technically Saturday morning. I would have to get up at 5:30 am, to get to the blood draw for 7¬†am, and then drive back home, sleep for like a minute, and get back up again to drive another hour for the wedding, work 6 more hours, drive another hour home. Nope. So I slept in. They emailed me and said to come in on Monday, so I’m going before work tomorrow. I’ve never missed a blood draw or appointment this whole process, but why go through all that to find out my levels are indeed dropping? Meh.

Today I visited my parents, and this afternoon was a big family party. There are 4 birthdays this week in Adam’s family. I’m introverted, so all of my social skills were drained from the last two days anyway, and I haven’t had any time to myself so I didn’t last at the party long. I came inside, went to the bathroom, had some pink/light red blood. I think that triggered things, because Adam came in and I started bawling. He held me. I didn’t go back out to the party.

I’m pretty sad and depressed. It isn’t a constant thought but I feel it in my body and my bones.

I love wedding photography

I’m so excited to be photographing a wedding today, to be throwing myself into the day and creating beautiful images for the couple to enjoy for the rest of their lives, and maybe pass down in their family should they choose/are able to have children. I’m so grateful to have this wonderful wedding to photograph today, especially since it’s two of my good friends. At the reception I get to be a guest and my second shooter takes over. Best part of all? No kids in attendance.

Tomorrow’s wedding will be great as well.

At first I was scared I had these things to do but I think it’s best I get to do what I love and not sit home and mope all weekend. Last night I had my tripod out outside at 2 am and was photographing the moon. I forgot all about our loss for a while.

Tomorrow morning I’ll have some blood work and see what’s going on with that. I’ve had some cramping and pulling here and there, and I woke up nauseous but it’s gone now. It’s weird feeling pregnant when you know you aren’t anymore.

Happy Friday!