I stopped blogging because #MOMLIFE. I seriously always wondered why people couldn’t keep up with emails or blogging or any of that stuff when they were on maternity leave. Surely the baby sleeps at some points and you’d be surfing the net, yeah?
Wellll here I am, in the last few weeks of my maternity leave, and I haven’t been really picking up my laptop at all. Being a mom to a newborn takes A LOT of energy, and when I do have a free minute I want to veg out and watch tv with my full attention, take a nap, take a shower, or eat something.
I always thought I would be looking forward to getting back to work- and I am certainly NOT. If I could just run my photography business and raise Hawk I’d do it in a heartbeat. I am going to miss him SO MUCH when I go back and honestly it feels WAY too early to be doing so. I’m really thankful my mom will be watching him- it will help calm my nerves!
Now, what to say? I guess I can break it down by category..
Feeding– I’m still breastfeeding. In the last week and a half we have FINALLY ditched the nipple shield- which is a pain in the ass when your kid has crazy arms and knocks it off, haha. It’s so much easier just to latch him on to my boob. I introduced the bottle at 4 weeks so a) my husband could take overnight feeding shifts so I could get uninterrupted sleep (HEAVENLY) and b) so he’ll be used to it when I go back to work in a little over three weeks. He does great when I figured out the right speed of nipple (a 1) and he’s great on the boob. I have a solid supply in my freezer of pumped breast milk and will continue to pump at work. No real long term plans for breast feeding- but I guess I want to try for at least a year?
Sleeping– ROUGH. Hawk is a snuggle bunny and loves to cuddle and BE cuddled. He sleeps wonderfully in my bed (NOT SAFE), in our arms, or in the rock N play- which I learned is also not safe. I joined a Safe Sleep group on Facebook and it is scaring the shit out of me. The last few nights I’ve tried getting him to sleep in the bed side bassinet (Safe!) and his crib (safe, of course) and it hasn’t been going well. He was starting to sleep in 3 hour and sometimes if I was lucky 4 hour spurts in the rock n play- but once I learned it was not approved I couldn’t sleep when he was sleeping in it. Tonight he’s been sleeping in 20-30 spurts, though right now we are going on an hour and a half with one little wake up to which I popped his binky in his mouth and he fell back asleep. I started giving him a bed time routine when I bring him up to our room and I use my camera monitor until I’m ready to come up for the night- which is where I am now. I’m hoping he gets used to it quick! Tonight is his first night in a Halo Sleep Sack as he is going to be rolling over soon and swaddling is no longer safe for him. I also ordered a Merlin sleep suit on Amazon in a sleep deprived daze at 4 am so we’ll see what happens.
Mom, aka ME– I lost all my baby weight in a matter of a couple of weeks. My blood pressure is back to healthy ranges after being on a blood pressure pill for a month, and I’m going on birth control which feels crazy seeing how long it took me to get pregnant and IVF and all, but you never know and I really DO NOT want to be pregnant right now. Originally I thought I couldn’t do this again, but I think we want to have at least one more baby. We have six embryos on ice. Anyway, I’m not sleeping well of course, but I am loving being a mother, and I love my son more than I can convey. Of course I get frustrated at times, but I have found that I have A LOT of patience for him and mothering has been feeling very natural to me. I can’t wait until he’s sleeping a little longer because I miss yoga and spin class and while I have lost all my baby weight, I need to lose my IVF weight which is at least 30 pounds. Not to mention I would like my strength and flexibility back, as well as just going to yoga in general. Mental health wise I am doing really well. No PPD and I haven’t been to therapy since before Hawk was born. I want to have at least one more session before I stop going for the time being.
Marriage- We are doing great! I really think we are. We get frustrated with one another sometimes but I think that’s normal. My heart soars seeing Adam with Hawk and I look forward to when we can all do activities and such as a family when he grows a little older. It’s hard to give Adam the same attention I did before Hawk was here, but judging how we’re only a couple months in and still getting used to our new dynamic I think we’re doing a good job. I love him a lot and I’m so glad he’s Hawk’s dad 🙂
Friends- Some of my friends have been by to visit, but truth be told visits tire me out very easily. I have a plethora of love and people checking in on us and feel so grateful!
Photography biz– I booked a wedding with clients who had a consultation with me when I was in the hospital in the days leading up to Hawk’s birth- score! And booked another a few weeks after his arrival. I have 9 weddings booked for this season and one for next. Not the 15 last year but I did cancel a bridal show which is where I get a lot of my bookings, as well as raise my prices. We’ll see! I’ve been getting a solid amount of inquiries and truth be told it’s been hard for me to get back to them as fast as I used to. I think once I’m back at my day job that will improve as I can do that stuff on lunch or when I have down time. I closed down my photo studio because I don’t have it in me to hustle to make the rent worth it. I am looking at small offices for client meetings though. I have a storage space with all my studio furniture.
Hawk is overall a lovely baby. He’s starting to smile at me which melts my damn heart. He’s happy as long as he is fed, changed, and had his snuggle fix. He had a really bad diaper rash for over a month that is finally dissipating- changing diapers was traumatic for him every time and I tried every ointment out there- I’m glad it’s going away! I felt like the crazy mom at the pediatrician’s office a little too often. Oh well, that’s what they are there for! The last time he was weighed on Feb 22nd he was 9 pounds and 6 oz.. I am willing to bet he is over 10 pounds by now. He’s a great eater and he’s really filling out. Looking back and how tiny he was when he was born blows my mind to this day! I guess I don’t know what else to say, so here are some photos. 🙂