Well, it’s May, the month after I would have been due with our baby girl. It’s so weird that it feels like a lifetime ago that happened, but also very recently. I just read a post of another IVFer on here that just had her D&C. Reading her posts from finding out to the D&C took me right back to that whole thing, I was in tears. I feel so awful for anyone who has to go through a miscarriage. There is no way to entirely describe that type of despair.
Wednesday I’ll be having scans and blood work. It feels completely different than any other transfer I’ve done. I keep having moments of asking Adam “Do you think it will happen?” and he just shrugs and says “I don’t know.” We really don’t, and while I have some hope it feels so subdued that it doesn’t feel like it’s even there. I wonder how long I can keep trying this? We’ll see what happens.