Waiting, per usual.

Well, it’s May, the month after I would have been due with our baby girl. It’s so weird that it feels like a lifetime ago that happened, but also very recently. I just read a post of another IVFer on here that just had her D&C. Reading her posts from finding out to the D&C took me right back to that whole thing, I was in tears. I feel so awful for anyone who has to go through a miscarriage. There is no way to entirely describe that type of despair.

Wednesday I’ll be having scans and blood work. It feels completely different than any other transfer I’ve done. I keep having moments of asking Adam “Do you think it will happen?” and he just shrugs and says “I don’t know.” We really don’t, and while I have some hope it feels so subdued that it doesn’t feel like it’s even there. I wonder how long I can keep trying this? We’ll see what happens.

 

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9 thoughts on “Waiting, per usual.

      • unplannedinfertility says:

        I’m good. Still trying to find enough time to write a post. Baby’s good. Fussy today with an upset belly for some reason. Threw up at her 2am and 5am feedings. Maybe she’s just her mother’s daughter as far as that goes. I, however, have not thrown up since the day I had her. Haha.

        Liked by 1 person

      • unplannedinfertility says:

        Thanks. I don’t think she’s actually sick, thankfully. I’m thinking maybe I ate something she doesn’t like in her breast milk… so far that’s the only “symptom” so hopefully that’s all it is. I cut her off early at her 8am feeding and none came back, so I think we’ll just take it slow today and see.

        I can’t wait to share a picture! We have her newborn pics already, so I have some great professional ones and some pretty cute iPhone ones. Haha. I hate writing a post in pieces, but maybe I’ll just have to give in and do it that way!

        Liked by 1 person

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