At my last appointment my hcg came back at a 3. I’m hoping that tomorrow morning it will be completely gone. That’s it for now.
Things have been getting easier, and that might be because I’ve been avoiding coming here and reading everyone’s blogs and well as anything pregnancy related. I feel sad now that I’m back here reading your blogs. Ugh, lame. My friend passed away last week and that’s been on my mind a lot. He was so so young, just 35. I wasn’t able to attend his funeral because of my work and that still has me so upset. I did go to his wake. We worked together and my previous job and all of us photographers were in an office that was literally two closets combined. We are like a family, and one of us is gone. It sucks. Real bad.
Next week I’m having blood work to see if my pregnancy hormones are gone. I’ve decided not to take a break as long as it’s physically okay for me. I’ve got 5 weddings booked for next year, one pending, and a wedding show in November and January, so likely more bookings- which is great! But waiting for wedding season to be over will just be a cycle. My best business friend said it might not work again, and if it does, I have 9 months to plan for any of the weddings should they happen to fall in line where I couldn’t shoot them. I feel bad, anytime I book a client I am invested in them and want to shoot their wedding, but she’s right. I can’t put my life on hold. So that’s what’s going on now.
My hCg is still at 10, so I’ll be testing again in a couple of weeks. I had a great therapy session and let it all out, felt amazing. I am normal, I am processing my grief, and this is what it is. Thumbs up!
I really do swear I don’t think about this all the time, but sometimes our loss jumps out at me and I don’t expect it. Last night I was second shooting and there was this adorable family of three there. They had been dancing all night, mostly the dad (who was an incredible dancer!) and the little girl. She had to be two? Anyway, a slow song came on and the three danced together. I went from smiling while I was taking their photo to choking back a sob. Ugh. When will this stop?
Also on FB today, a woman I know who is due around the same time I would have been due posted that her baby will be a girl.
I want my girl 😦
I missed Friday’s appointment for my blood test to see if my hCg had gone back to 0 because I had a meeting in Boston for work. I was supposed to got this morning but after two weddings this weekend and not getting home until midnight this AM I just couldn’t drag myself out of bed. I’ll be going tomorrow, then hopefully we can start the next batch of tests to see what the fuck is going on here.