7,611?!

After calling 5 times and not getting a care team member, I left a message for them saying I was going a little crazy and I would love to know the outcome of my blood test. My hCG came back at 7,611. WHAT?! I hung up with the nurse and starting crying immediately. I can’t believe it. She said the reason they hadn’t sent me orders was because Dr. P hadn’t reviewed it yet but once she does I’ll get orders in the portal for my ultrasound. I’m crying again. Oh my god.

I have acupuncture tonight. I’m in shock right now!!

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Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.

I’m sitting here refreshing my orders page on my fertility center’s patient portal. I’m scared I’m going to get a bad phone call any minute. AHHH! Generally they just update the portal with information and phone calls are reserved for the “you’re pregnant!” call and the “you’re no longer pregnant” call. I’M SO SCARED. I came home after my blood work and slept as long as I could, and the rest of the time is me hitting refresh over and over again. Sometimes the website fakes me out and takes longer to load, like there’s new information there or something. Ugh.

I had a dream last night I was going in to the hospital and to give birth. My contractions weren’t close enough together so I was going to be waiting a while. I even thought to myself false alarm, and they might send me home.

Vacation cut short, staycation until Monday

I had a great time on my vacation! Swimming, kayaking, an orchestra show (which had a gnarly thunderstorm in the middle of it!) and I read 3 books!

Adam had to come home on Tuesday. I thought I would stay until Thursday but this morning I was missing him and wanted to come home earlier than that. So this morning I left at 10:30 and made my way back home. On my way home I called the fertility center and changed my blood work to tomorrow morning (yay!) and I called and ordered some more progesterone, as well as made an acupuncture appointment for tomorrow.

The whole time on vacation I had cramping (very mild) on and off, and I was SO tired. Nausea here and there. My boobs are still hurting on and off as well. I freaked out my second night there and bought some pregnancy tests. My digital test said “YES+” and it calmed me down, I still haven’t taken the second test. Today I’m 5 weeks and 3 days pregnant, and that was the point where I lost my last pregnancy. I’m nervous but feel mostly calm. I think being away from google and support groups really helped calm me down.

I’ve been having really vivid dreams lately, and in one of them I had quadruplets. AHH!

I’m excited and scared for tomorrow’s blood work. Let’s hope this goes well!!

Pregnant lady on vacation!

Yesterday my mother in law referred to my unborn baby as her sixth grandchild while her and my mother were talking. (Our baby will my mom’s first grandchild.) It’s still not real, but it’s getting realer. I’m so scared of what happened last time I’ve been kind of floating through the motions, not really admitting fully that I am indeed pregnant. Yesterday I had a spat of tan/beige discharge and called my care team, but they said that’s normal. My estrogen levels are so high that the discharge is going to do weird things sometimes.

I woke up this morning feeling sick- nauseous and crampy, and I turned to Adam and said “I don’t feel very good. It’s great!” Every day I can FEEL pregnant is another day I am comforted that I am pregnant, so I enjoy these symptoms.

I did so many loads of laundry and went on a cleaning rampage last night. My mom and aunt are staying over to watch our beloved husky while we are on vacation, so I wanted to make sure they had a nice place to stay!

I might buy some HPT tests mid week when the insanity hits- but hopefully my vacation will stave that off. I’ll have no internet so I won’t be googling like crazy – or reading your blogs! I hope everyone continues in the positive fashions they have been!

With that, I’m out!

Gentle restorative yoga? More like yoga naps.

Last night I had a client meeting at my studio. We were designing her boudoir album. The yoga studio I attend is right down the street, so after she left I started working on a blog post. I’m so behind blogging my business stuff. After I chose the images I wanted, I set them to convert to JPGs and laid down on my chaise lounge chair. I fell asleep listening to The Get Up Kids and woke up 40ish minutes later, finished up my stuff on the computer, and got ready for yoga.

I got to yoga and L and I talked about my pregnancy and she is currently in the (natural) tww. She has symptoms but doesn’t want to believe them just yet. Class started with 10-15 minutes of meditation. I set my intentions for my embryo/embies and had my hands on my stomach, just talking to them inwardly. After all our sitting poses with started using the pillow things and blankets and I swear it was just me basically napping in different gentle poses. During savasana I was asleep, for sure.

I’m used to going hard in yoga, a heated class at that, so getting used to this non heated class has been weird. I was walking standing up a little straighter on my way into work, so it has it’s benefits.

In the night I woke up with strong cramps, but they are gone now. My head feels heavy and hurts, and my nausea is coming and going. I’m still very tired.

I’m just hoping and hoping this is it for me. Adam is starting to even talk about there being a baby or babies in me, so he’s letting his guard down a little.

I have acupuncture tonight! Looking forward to it. Probably going to sleep through that, too- ha!

Two days until vacation!

2nd beta=447 – yess!

I’m so happy! My beta was 447 today. “A great rise!”

I looked it up and

Doubling Time (Hours): 46.04

the normal doubling time is between 31 and 72 hours.

My next beta is a week from today, but I’ll be 2 hours away on vacation, so I’m going to call them and ask what I should do. Hopefully there is a place out there I can get blood drawn!

I’m relieved but still nervous!! Woo!

 

edit- I talked to my care team- they scheduled my next beta for next Saturday- OOF. That’s a week and 4 days. Maybe I should have just left vacation to do the beta… Yikes! They said it didn’t matter when I did it. Not to them! lol 🙂 Hopefully I can relax on my trip!

Beta #2 drawn, now the wait

I had my second beta drawn this morning, now we wait.

I feel very tired, nauseous, my boobs hurt (different than last time but they still hurt!) and I’ve been having cramping for days on days, which makes me feel reassured that the embie/embies are still in momma ❤

I wish I could take the day off and go to bed but I have vacation next week, so no time to spare!

Last night at therapy I told my therapist that I felt psycho, but after some questions she said it sounds like I’m handling things well. I’m still functioning in life and I’m doing self care. There’s nothing else I can do. I have a lengthy past of anxiety and depression and I know that I am handling everything like I should be, but on the inside I still feel crazy.

Can’t wait to hear my numbers.

Beta= 217 – I am pregnant!

Woooohoo!

My beta came in. 217. I am pregnant 🙂
Dr. P says that’s a great first number and of course I’ll go back in two days to make sure it’s doubling. She says we should remain cautiously optimistic but she’s very happy with that number! Hubs is not excited because he’s scared from last time, but thinks once we get passed where we were last time that will increase. I’m excited but also cautious. Great start to my week!

10dp5dt

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Gang’s all here!

I had my beta drawn this morning. Now the long wait until around lunch time when I hear the official word. I feel like I’m in good shape. We shall see!