PUPO= pregnant until proven otherwise

Last night I had acupuncture. I saw one of my best friends – we’ve been friends since childhood- getting acupuncture as well! I tapped her arm as I passed by and we excitedly waved at each other. She ended up waiting for me afterward and we went out to eat. I got a St. Germain Mimosa as I’m hoping that was the last drink I’ll have until I’m a mom! My friend L had a miscarriage several months ago, and after her D&C and waiting period she has started trying again. She hasn’t gone the infertility route as of yet, as she became preg3.pngnant fairly quickly when she started trying, but it’s very hard for her after her M/C of course. While I was laying in my acupuncture chair I started to tear up (thanks hormone) thinking about how we used to have sleep overs all the time and watch sappy movies and we did so much together- now here we are decades later (that makes me feel old) trying to have babies and having issues. I told her I thought it was great luck that she was there that night and maybe she’ll bring me some luck or my transfer…. so!

As of this morning, y transfer is in the bank! (Did I just compare my vagina/uterus to a bank?)

As I previously mentioned, my mom came along. Though I’m not religious (as you might recall I’m agnostic and not sure what I believe) I did wear a bracelet she bought me before I started my first cycle of IVF- it has Saint Gerard on it and apparently he is the patron saint of expectant mother. I’m going to keep it on as I go.4

Dr. V did the transfer which is great, she is hilarious and I needed some laughter for the occasion! She asked me if I was ready to have a great and uneventful pregnancy and I said “I sure am!” While we waiting for the embryos we chatted and my mom recalled how myself and my brother were born and delivered, I heard about just a little bit about Dr. V’s children, and we chatted about weddings as I am second shooting a wedding this weekend and Dr. V asked me what I was up to over the weekend.

After the transfer was done I headed back to acupuncture, and then got some food and jetted to work. That’s it for now. Beta is August 8th. Hoping hoping hoping ❤




Getting closer.. FET just 2 days away

I need this to happen. Though, once it does, I’ll be in the dreaded TWW. Adam can’t come with me this time, so my mother is coming. I thought she might like to come along! A little Meme power can’t hurt. Hopefully she brings good luck. I followed a bunch of IVF blogs- reading other’s journeys is comforting. Adam doesn’t lose it like I do over this stuff. I am hoping beyond hope this is the cycle that works. I was looking into adoption stuff yesterday but I’m just not ready to give up yet naturally.

In non related IVF news, I need a damn vacation. I’m finishing up editing my last wedding before vacation. I go on vacation the third week of August.. so it will either be an early pregnancy awesome time vacation or a not pregnant again oh dear god I need to forget things for a while vacation. Nevertheless, I need a break from both jobs!!!!! I want to turn off my phone, NOT look at a computer, and just read, nap, swim, take photos, and kayak. Stuff like that.

I’m going to yoga after work tonight and I’m looking forward to my acupuncture session tomorrow.

That’s it for now.

FET Friday

My lining is at 7.1. Adam gave me my first shot around 8:15 pm, and I’m still taking my Estrace twice a day. I’m happy I don’t have to take it vaginally this time around, that’s a nice “break.” I started taking the antibiotics as well. I’m scheduling my acupuncture sessions for this week right after this. I’m going to yoga tomorrow night after work.

Today we went to an engagement party and there were so many kids and a couple babies. One of the couples there has a beautiful baby girl and the mom is already 4 months pregnant with her next. I wish it didn’t hurt me as much as it does to see this- because as I’ve stated- I’m happy for others, but goddamn does it hurt because you can’t have it yourself.

I guess that’s it for now.

Letting my lining build

My therapist says I seem to be handling things much better than I was, which is great. Generally I feel like my normal self, but touching baby posts on FB really really do hurt. My bloodwork and scans were all normal, and I’m taking my Estrace twice a day. My next set of bloodwork and scans are on Saturday, so we’ll see what progress I’m making. I’m still feeling empty about this transfer. I am hoping beyond hope that it’s going to work. Thinking about having to wait months and months to continue this process is heartbreaking- I want to keep going. We’ll see what happens. I’m just hoping this is it.

FB Baby Feed

There are three newborn babies on my feed, as well as a few older babies and pregnant ladies. It aches. Oh man does it ache. One girl I graduated with just gave birth last week and she posts the sweetest things about her baby and being a mom and it just hurts. If my business wasn’t so tied up with FB I would take a break- baby mania is tiring as well as the many racist people I have on my feed.

Tomorrow I have my scans and blood work, and here we gooooo.

I don’t feel the least bit excited, which I feel bad about.


“Cycle 4” underway

I just got the call from my fertility center- my insurance approved my FET and I was told to stop my BCP today. I should be getting a period in 3-5 days, and then I’ll be starting the whole process again. I asked for a timeline for transfer because my co worker will be on vacation until the 27th of July, and she put my estimated transfer around then (27th-29th).  So! She made a note of that and hopefully it will be fine. I’m hoping this is the stars aligning for a SUCCESSFUL and FULL TERM pregnancy. So my beta will be the second week of August, which is the week before my vacation. Here’s to hoping!

That’s it for now. I hope I’m making the right decision.

Scared but ramping up my optimism. COME. ON!

Plans have changed.

If I were to do a full cycle, my retrieval would be around the time my back up at work would be on vacation for two weeks, so I’d have to wait. I have my summer vacation in August, and I don’t want to be stimming or unable to swim because of ER, so I’d have to wait more. If I do wait to do the full cycle, I’d have to put it the transfer off until November or December, because I have weddings scheduled early summer 2017 already and I’d like to be there to photograph them. Ugh. So we’ve switched to an FET. I called and the nurse spoke to Dr. Plante for me. They send the paperwork and we’ve signed off on it. I hate that so many factors are deciding when I try and have a baby. Sigh. I hope I made the right choice.