Cycle three underway

I had my scans and blood work this morning. They measured my uterus, my lining, and my ovaries. All I retained was that my lining is 3.3 at the moment. I started taking Estrace, 2 mg twice a day, and on May 20th I will have my next ultrasound and blood work. If everything goes right, I think I’ll be starting my progesterone shots that night, and after 6 days my transfer will happening, so we’re looking at Thursday May 26th as my next transfer, which means my next beta is June 5th or 6th. Here’s to hoping… ❤

Day 1, cycle 3 is here.

Shortly after I posted my last entry I started cramping up really bad. Ha! I started my period this morning. I just called my care team and I have ultrasounds and blood work in the morning. The office is an hour away. Ugh! But! I’m just glad we’re on the road again. The nurse said tomorrow afternoon I’ll get instructions to start the estrace. My comfort eating must cease and I need to get back on the healthy wagon. I also took a week off of acupuncture, so I need to start that up again as well.

Last night we went over our friend’s house and met their baby. She was so precious! I held her for a while and just watched our friends interacting with her. It was awesome to see. They seem so happy! We were only there for maybe 3 hoursand the baby fed 4 times! She was a hungry little thing. I told our friends I hoped she passed some good luck baby vibes to me for our next cycle. I woke up feeling hopeful that this next cycle works. Adam and I were both sad, but happy to have met her.

Today I had lunch with an old friend who told me about her pregnancy struggles. While she has a beautiful baby boy who is a little older than one now, she has her own struggles staying pregnant after she is actually pregnant. I had no idea, of course. Hearing her terrible journey was heartbreaking, I can only vaguely imagine how painful it has been for her. Although you don’t like to hear your friends and people you care about having the same or worse struggles with infertility, the solidarity and understanding can bring comfort in a way, as talking to them they know what you’re talking about, and what to say- and not to say.

That’s it for now. LET’S DO THIS.

No spotting, no period. Ugh.

Well that spotting stopped, cramps stopped, and no period has arrived. Sigh. I’m going to wait until Monday and if it still hasn’t come, call them back. I hope it does come, but I’m guessing I’ll have to take the pills (can’t think of the name at the moment) to make my period come on.

This evening Adam and I are going to his friend’s house, who just had a baby. I’m excited to meet her, and my friend’s wife, but I’m a little nervous how I’ll be around a beautiful newborn. The yearning and aching has been extra achey since the failed fresh ET. We’ll see.

Spotting! Huzzah!

I started spotting, I guess my period is officially on its way/here. They said call with Cycle day 1 and that’s full flow but I’m impatient so I called and left a message just now. It’s weird to go from dreading your period because your transfer didn’t work to elated your period is here just a few weeks later so you can do it all over again.

One of the blogs I follow today posted some bad news and I’ve been thinking about her all day. This is such a hard and painful journey.. even when you’re technically pregnant you have to wait to see if the pregnancy is viable. It just seems so cruel and unjust for people to go through not only IVF but a nonviable pregnancy- or even more than one.

IVF is not for the lighthearted, that’s for sure.

“Well, that sucked.”

Last night Adam and I were watching TV and a ClearBlue commercial came on. I had heard of it on the IVF groups in passing but hadn’t seen in myself. In the commercial people were getting and celebrating positive pregnancy tests. After the commercial was over Adam turned to me and said “Well, that sucked.” I nodded in agreement. I think sometimes I forget that he’s just as disappointed as I am that we still aren’t pregnant. My mother and I were talking about it the other night and I just feel drained of hope. Ugh. I worry it will never happen. I was talking about this with my therapist, and I was telling her that I hate when people say it will happen when it’s meant to be. What if it “isn’t meant to be?” What kind of not comforting bullshit is that?

I’m waiting for my period to come. I want to get this show on the road, I hate waiting… but that’s what IVF is. Waiting, and hoping, and wishing…

BCP, seeya later.

Took my last birth control pill this morning. I’ve been getting cramps for a few days now so I hope my period will come swiftly! I’m ready to get going on my next steps. So much baby activity happening on my newsfeed. It makes me so sad. I’m happy for them, but .. well you know. It hurts. I want to be there. Sigh. Not much is going on so I’m not posting much. That’s it for now. More waiting.