Last night Adam and I were watching TV and a ClearBlue commercial came on. I had heard of it on the IVF groups in passing but hadn’t seen in myself. In the commercial people were getting and celebrating positive pregnancy tests. After the commercial was over Adam turned to me and said “Well, that sucked.” I nodded in agreement. I think sometimes I forget that he’s just as disappointed as I am that we still aren’t pregnant. My mother and I were talking about it the other night and I just feel drained of hope. Ugh. I worry it will never happen. I was talking about this with my therapist, and I was telling her that I hate when people say it will happen when it’s meant to be. What if it “isn’t meant to be?” What kind of not comforting bullshit is that?

I’m waiting for my period to come. I want to get this show on the road, I hate waiting… but that’s what IVF is. Waiting, and hoping, and wishing…