Bruised hips, sore tits.

My boobs are SO sore. I had to do my injection on the same side twice in a row because my left hip has a huge knot in it. I tried to rub the knot out and it got a little smaller but now I’m all bruised up. My other hip isn’t as sore and has a tiny bruise. I’ve had pulling sensations in my womb today and mild cramping. Trying to keep my sanity the best I can.

I’m gonna relax so hard at acupuncture tonight.

4dp5dt.

 

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3dp5dt and I’m already wondering..

I’ve been positive this time around, but now the doubts are starting to creep in. My husband said “The embryos are microscopic! You wouldn’t feel anything yet anyway.” but I can’t stop wondering if they’ve taken to me this time. Tomorrow I have acupuncture, and the rest of the week I am busy after work. Today is my only day of doing nothing so maybe the rest of the week will help. Please please stay with me, embies!

Cramping and insurance stress

I’ve had light cramping yesterday morning and this morning. It feels like my period coming on, but I hope it’s just my embryos getting cozy in my lining. Last night I felt so so sick. I had a boudoir shoot and my studio was very hot, as well as a client meeting out in the heat. I came home and went to bed very early in my air conditioned room. Feeling a little better this morning, just exhausted and crampy.

My insurance is being a pain. When we showed up for the transfer they said I had a balance, which makes no sense as my cycles are covered for now. I gotta call and straighten that out. Also, my insurance only approves my estrace up to once a day and I am taking it 5 times a day, so I was on the phone with Freedom Fertility and my care teams trying to sort that out. We ended up paying out of pocket for 65 pills, but luckily it was only $61.00-as opposed to the $3.47 I normally pay.

My hips are very sore from the progesterone injections. Tonight I am shooting until 8 pm, then I have at least an hour ride home. I’m wondering if the other photographer will inject me, but I can’t be sure. I might need to do it in the mirror :X or just wait until I get home.I have acupuncture again on Tuesday, as that is around the time implantation happens.

Well, I need to go get ready for today’s wedding. I’m going to bring double the amount of water I normally bring. The doctors said this was all fine but I’m a little nervous I’m doing too much- tomorrow I am doing NOTHING!

 

Embies are home!

So my transfer happened this morning, it went perfectly! I woke up and showered and got ready, and while doing so I was listening to NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys, as well as other teeny bopper music I used to enjoy in my youth- and let’s be honest, still enjoy now. I was bopping around and singing and dancing- I wanted to have positive happy vibes going in to this!

Dr. Plante was the one to do the transfer, so I was so excited, as so far other doctors at her practice have done my retrievals, testing, and my fresh transfer. I think that’s a good sign! She’s such a sweetheart. She told me the embryos are perfect!

I was able to take a video of my transfer when they showed us the replay. I’m unable to upload it here but here are a few screen caps!

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my beautiful embryos ❤

Afterwards I had acupuncture, which I also had last night.

I’ll be going again in 4 days as that is around the time of implantation.

My pregnancy test is June 6th, and I have photography jobs this weekend- minus Monday, and something going on every night this upcoming week, and again with a photography job and an event on Sunday next weekend. I think it’s good I’ll be busy, to keep my mind off of if it’s worked this time, and to avoid testing at home- that drove me crazy last time.

Waiting as always. COME ON EMBRYOS, STAY WITH MAMA!

I can’t escape the pregnancy announcements!

I am ready to go for tomorrow.

I’m having acupuncture this evening. Tomorrow morning is the transfer, and immediately after that I’m having acupuncture again. Rest.

I have a photo shoot Saturday afternoon (I’m a photographer, by the way) and a client meeting right after. Luckily the shoot is boudoir so it’s not physically challenging, and a client meeting is like meeting a friend for coffee. Sunday I’m second shooting a wedding, which is more so physically challening. I’m going to ask the doctor if this is all okay. Unfortunately you can’t really plan IVF timelines even when you try so I didn’t know I’d be having a transfer when I booked all of these things!

Also, I can’t escape baby announcements on Facebook. Seems every day there is another.. a lot of women are even on their second or third children- and all younger than I am! It’s my turn, dammit!

This has to work. THIS HAS TO WORK!

FET Friday!

So the pills I’ve been taking vaginally have turned my discharge blue, so that’s fun- HAHA. I never thought I’d be talking about my vagina for other people to read on the internet but hey never say never I guess.

My lining was 8.1mm this morning, yay! So tonight I’ll be starting my progesterone shots at 1CC until the 24th where I will up it to 2CC’s. I’m also going to be starting an antibiotic which I’ll be taking once a day, and continue with the estrace 3x a day orally and 2x a day vaginally.

My transfer is Friday morning at 10:45 am, and you can bet your sweet ass I’m scheduling my acupuncture for that morning or the day before, and the day after.

I’m going to try and avoid testing at home this time around- nothing good came from it and it was a huge waste of money. Here we go, ahhh!

You want me to put the pill where?

13235845_556305733843_439114710_nWell hello my old friend, Mr. Ultrasound.

This morning I had my blood work and scans. My endometrium is at 6.3mm, which is not where it needs to be. “Almost there!” as my care team said. So, they’ve upped my Estrace (estrogen pills) to three times a day orally and twice a day vaginally. So you take a pill, put it on your finger and shove it on up there, then strap on some panty liners. IVF does wonders for your sex life, if you haven’t noticed. ;P As my friend Adrianne said, “Your junk has been through way too much.” It will continue to go through things hopefully, like pushing out a baby!

So I have more blood work and scans on Sunday, in the clinic that is an hour away, on my 7th anniversary with Adam. Hopefully that brings us good luck. I’ve been cramping since I had my scans this morning, I don’t know why. So that’s the scoop for now. I for one, am NOT entirely shocked, that more waiting is part of the game at this stage. It wouldn’t be IVF if there wasn’t some waiting, would it?

Impending transfer..

So on Friday I will be having my blood work and scans done. As long as all is well I’ll be starting my PIO shots on Friday or Saturday, and then having my FET on Wednesday or Thursday of next week. I’m going in with the attitude that THIS IS GOING TO WORK THIS TIME. I WILL BE PREGNANT!

I will. I will! Goddamnit it’s going to work, and I’m going to carry to term, and I’m going to birth a wonderful baby and be the best mom ever.

Right?

RIGHT!

I’m agnostic.

I was raised catholic. I was baptized as a baby, I have a God mother and God father, I used to go to church every Sunday. I went to catholic school for a couple of years. I made my first communion, I made my confirmation, and then- I was out. I remember as far back as a child not fully believing in what I was being taught. The body and blood of christ for communion always freaked me out, and a lot of Catholicism I cannot and will not get behind- i.e., gay marriage being a sin, not living together before marriage, all of that stuff.

I’ve always wondered why, with all of the religions in the world, why is christianity the ONE true religion? Who says? Also, the fact that the bible has been translated many times over never sat well with me. Have you ever played a simple game of telephone? Things get twisted QUICKLY. I won’t go as far as saying I’m atheist- I still pray and believe in some higher power, I’m just not sure what it is. I have spirituality. I believe in energy sticking around after someone’s passed- ghosts. I’ve had several experiences with ghosts.

Adam was raised christian. His parents have bounced around to different christian sects (is that how you phrase it?) and are still very active within church. Adam has a relationship with Jesus, or God, and that’s great. I support him. The other night I told him the older I get the more I think that I’m agnostic, and he told me he could tell. I never put a label on it until this past Sunday. On mother’s day we went to church with his mother, and after that service I knew for sure that it was not for me. I didn’t feel connected, or comforted, or anything. At the end of the service was a “Trust and Obey” song that made me feel very uncomfortable. As my therapist said, though, it’s all perspective. Some people take comfort in that kind of thing- I just don’t. That’s okay!

Yesterday I was googling “Do agnostics go to hell?” – can’t escape that former catholic guilt, I guess. Honestly, to me, I’ve always believed that God or whatever higher power there was, would judge us based on our morals and the intention in our hearts. I feel that I have a good moral compass and I try to be kind and fair to others, because that’s how I feel the world should run. I don’t think I’ll be condemned to hell for being unsure if there is a hell in the first place.

In regards to our children, Adam and I have discussed that we will teach them both our viewpoints, teach them that there are many religions in the world, and they’re going to decide for themselves. We won’t be getting them baptized or any of those things, either.

So, yea. I’m agnostic, I’m admitting it finally. I hope religious people reading my blog don’t take offense to this, but it’s my truth.